Spring Cleaning
by Chiba Apey
Summary: This one's a multichapter, but I think I'm up to it. It's springtime in LazyTown and that means that everyone is making an effort to clean up their humble abodes even everyone's favorite above average hero! This one's for ButHeHitMeFirst and her cool mom
1. Chapter 1

AN: What the heck am I thinking with starting a multi-chapter story? I'm just digging myself a hole here. I've gotta stop using one single joke as my whole excuse to write a fic. As usual, I hope you all review and remember that I don't bite (much) and I swear no substances were involved in the creation of this piece; just insomnia.

Liz, Elizabeth, and Deb…you guys just rock my socks. To you and everyone else that's reviewed me in the last week or so thanks bunches and bunches. Sports candy for all!

Disclaimer: I do not own LazyTown or the characters therein. Never even been to Iceland, but any places mentioned are looked up on the internet. However, this sickness is all mine, so don't steal – go find your own.

Spring Cleaning

By Chiba Apey

Up in the airship, Sportacus did a flip and kicked off a button on the wall into a back flip. He righted himself, smiling with his Oh-So-Shiny-Clean teeth (gleam), before an avalanche of random items came spilling out of the now open closet onto him. Beneath the rubble he groaned in pain and the pile remained stationary for a moment while he regained his bearings. Protective goggles in place, Sportacus's head eventually fought its way to the top of the mountain. "Ptui!" he spat out a stray ping-pong ball and shook his head. "I really need to clean out the airship!"

Back down in LazyTown, the denizens of the area were doing a little cleaning of their own. Pixel was cleaning his electronics with a can of compressed air. Stingy was shining up his beloved Piggy. Ziggy was organizing his taffy collection by make and color. Bessie was supervising Mayor Meanswell as he attempted to clean out her basement. As for Trixie and Robbie…well, Trixie was really making more of a mess tagging all the posters around city hall and Robbie was wallowing in his own filth.

Robbie: Snort! (rolls over in his chair)

At the mayor's house, Stephanie was busy in her room, rearranging her pink sock drawer while singing a house cleaning version of "Go for It!"

"Turn your cleaning into play – go all the waaaaaaaaaaaay!" she belted out, slamming the door shut. "Get up on your – hey!" Something had flown in through the window and was now sticking out of the back of her large pouf of pink hair. "What in the world?" She reached back and retrieved the object in question, which turned out to be a blue paper airplane. Naturally, she recognized it as a note from Sportacus. It read as follows:

Stephanie,

Help! I'm up to my moustache in messiness! I need help cleaning my airship, would you mind lending me a hand?

Sportacus

Stephanie squealed. "Wow, Sportacus needs ME to help him with something!" She was positively glowing. "I better send him a message back right away."

The pink blur zoomed over to the mailbox at top speed before skidding to a halt at the airmail chute. Furiously scribbling a reply, Stephanie shoved the pink stationary into one of those tubes she always seems to carry and shot it off into the sky.

A couple minutes later Sportacus flew down on his sky bike. "Hello, Stephanie."

"Hi, Sportacus!" cheered Stephanie, "So, you needed my help with your spring cleaning?"

"Yes, my airship is such a mess. I guess that I spend so much time down here saving people and having fun with you kids that I haven't had time to clean it up. Hop on."

Stephanie nearly died right there. Ride on the sky bike with him? Too cool! "Okay!" She climbed on behind him, clinging tighter to his back than she probably should've been. He began peddling the little steppers again and away they went up to the airship. When they got near to the side, he called for the door/platform to lower and let her hop off before cartwheeling his own way on. The sky bike sped off to wherever it goes when he's not riding it.

When they got inside, Stephanie began to understand why Sportacus had called for reinforcements. There was sports equipment, clothing, paper airplane bowling balls, and other assorted items EVERYWHERE. Apparently, ol' Sporty had decided to just rearrange everything and therefore had dumped all of his worldly possessions into a heap on the floor. Bachelors…

"Well," said Sportacus, coming in behind her, "let's get started, shall we?"

A couple hours later and they had barely made it through the sports equipment alive. The settings kept rebuking Stephanie's efforts to replace the badminton set and she was eventually forced to take cover while Sportacus fended off a barrage of birdies. Now the two were engaged in separate activities; Sportacus was replacing his clothes in his wardrobe and Stephanie was putting back all of his books. Currently she was shirking her duties by scanning the big book of LazyTown records. "Wow, Sportacus, you hold the records for almost everything!"

Sportacus just smiled at her from across the ship and continued putting away his Sportabriefs.

Stephanie hummed for a few minutes, flipping the pages until she came across an award she didn't recognize. "Sportacus, what's 'tantra'?"

(HYURK) An unsuspecting Sportacus twitched visibly at this innocent inquiry and raced over to the curious girl. "I think we're done with the books for now," he said with a bit too much enthusiasm, "It's time for lunch!" He slammed the book and plucked it from her hands, tucking it behind his back. Geez, one night on Laugavegur and you're never done paying for it.

He led Stephanie over to his food table, leaving her to decide what she wanted while he snuck the blabbermouth book back onto the shelf. "Hey, Sportacus, can I have some fruit?"

A bit preoccupied, Sportacus called to her over his shoulder. "Sure, Stephanie, eat whatever you like." He was now scanning the rest of the books in the pile to see if there was any more incriminating evidence hiding within them. 'Hmm, "The Oxford Book of Proteans", "The Pop-Up Kama Sutra", "Toning Your PC Muscle"…why do I own all of these?' He opened up his goggle drawer and began tossing books in while an oblivious Stephanie fixed herself some food.

"Aren't you going to eat?" asked Stephanie as she finished off her sports smoothies.

"What?" he asked, slamming the drawer. "Oh, I'm coming." He bounced over to the counter and tapped her on the shoulder. "What are we eating?"

Stephanie turned around and handed him a smoothie. "A little bit of everything. Drink up!"

With a broad grin, he drank a big gulp of the drink. Somewhere between when the substance hit his tongue and swallowing it occurred to him that perhaps carrots and bananas were not meant to be mixed in passion fruit juice. He did his best to smile weakly for the small girl as she beamed up at him, oozing adoration. When she turned to get her own drink, however, his face scrunched up like he'd taken a big bite out of his own sweat socks. He quickly disposed of the drink before she turned around, then grabbed a sports candy and took a big bite. "How was it, Sportacus?"

"Ohm, ish wash dwawishush," he nodded, chewing frantically.

She giggled and finished her drink. "C'mon, Sportacus, let's finish cleaning!" She set down her glass and pranced back to the pile of books. Sportacus wiped the sweat that had formed on his brow and threw out his apple core, closing the eating station.

It was getting pretty late by the time the duo finished. Luckily for the above average hero there hadn't been any more close calls like the one earlier. Glancing at the clock, Sportacus knew that he had to get Stephanie home soon or else the mayor would get worried. He shuffled the last few items into the now sectionalized closet and shut the door. "All right, Stephanie, time to go home."

Stephanie stuck out her lower lip in an adorable little pink pout. "Aww, can't I stay just a little bit longer?"

"I'm sorry but we have to get you back to your uncle." He stuck up his index finger. "But, I promise that I will see you again tomorrow."

The little pink pixie sighed and followed the Sport Elf out the door of the airship and back down into the down aboard his sky bike. 'Man, he needs to readjust the posture on this thing…'

When they reached her uncle's house, she walked right in. "Uncle? OH, uncle MIL-fooooooooorrrrrrd!" She went through all the rooms but there was no sign of her uncle. Her emotions were a combative mix of jubilation and curiosity. She ran outside and searched the skies, finding her blue elf still pedaling his way through the sky. "SPORTACUS!" she called.

The sky bike stumbled in midair momentarily, nearly tossing Sportacus. He turned the bike back around and touched down before her once again. "Yes, Stephanie, what is it?"

"I can't find my uncle," she replied, "He's not at home."

"Really?" Sportacus thought for a moment, "Do you remember where he was today?"

"Yeah, he was helping Bessie with some more chores around her house."

Sportacus got off the sky bike. "You stay here; I'll go see where he is." Then he did his little superhero arm trick and flipped off to Bessie's place.

The lights were on when he got there, but he couldn't detect any movement inside. He knocked and waited…and waited…

Eventually, the door opened to reveal Mayor Milford Meanswell standing there looking rather disheveled in Ms. Busybody's favorite bathrobe. "Mayor?"

"Ah, Sportacus!" said the mayor nervously, "What, uh, what brings you to my, that is, to Bes – uh, Ms. Busybody's house?"

Sportacus had thought that nothing could be worse than the records' book this morning. He was wrong. "Sorry to interrupt, mayor, but I brought Stephanie home for the evening and no one was in."

"Oh, yes, Stephanie. Dear girl, wonderful girl." The mayor fiddled with the belt on the bathrobe and avoided the superhero's ice blue stare. "Do you think I could trouble you to watch her for the evening? You see, something has come up over here and you know how Bes – er – Ms. Busybody can be."

Sportacus held up a hand to put an end to his ramblings. "Yes, well, I had better be going then, Mayor." He gave him an awkward pat on the shoulder. "Have a good evening."

The mayor nodded and mumbled something that sounded like "Yes, right" then shut the door.

After listening for his retreating footsteps, Sportacus turned around and shuddered. 'Now there is a mental image I could have done without.'

AN: And with that, we conclude part one. I think I'm beyond saving at this point. smiles Ah well, go where the muse takes ya. Hey, fun game in the meantime: one of those books was real, guess which one?


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Here's chapter two (obviously). I cleaned up the typos on chapter one, as well. Typing past 1am doesn't always yield the best grammatical results. This chapter actually won't be that long, I don't think, because of what I have planned for chapter three (I'm so bad, I was scribbling ideas in my downtime at work). Thanks very very very very very much, again, to all who reviewed. I'm basically writing this for all of you at this point. So, keep it up and so will I.

Disclaimer: Don't own it; don't own it, yadda yadda yadda. And feel free to use my bad LazyTown jokes at parties and social functions. See how far you get. Just don't plagiarize me, kids. Plagiarism's as wrong as fermented shark. The kind soaked in urine for months.

Spring Cleaning: Part Two 

By Chiba Apey

When Sportacus arrives back at the little yellow house, Stephanie was watching for him through the picture window. When she spotted him, she waved frantically and opened the door. "You're back!" she bounced.

Sportacus nodded uneasily. "Yes, your uncle is…too tired to walk home after helping Bessie today." He shifted uncomfortably. "So, I am going to stay here tonight and keep an eye on you."

If Stephanie had glowed any brighter at that moment, she would've blinded poor Sportacus. "You mean you're sleeping over? Tonight? That's great!" She grabbed his hand and dragged him inside. "Oh, we'll have so much fun. I can show you around and we can watch videos and tell stories and–"

"I think we'd better start with dinner," said Sportacus, extracting his hand from her surprisingly strong grip.

"Oh yeah, I could cook dinner!" said Stephanie.

"NO!" Sportacus held up his hands quickly, "No, no. I will take care of this meal. You can go…practice your dancing."

"Okay," smiling, she skipped off towards her room. Moments later, he could hear the beginning of "Energy" blaring from her boom box.

He turned into the kitchen and started looking through the fridge and the cupboards. Now, what to make?

Down, down, down under the not-so-lazy little town, Robbie Rotten was not very happy. "I am not very happy," glowered Robbie, throwing himself away from his periscope, "Sportakook and the little girl are still up there making noise." He kicked a trash bin. "What is wrong with them?"

He began to pace his lair. "I work SO hard every day to be the laziest and the rottenest villain around!" He paused and clutched his blanky from his chair. "Doesn't anyone care? Doesn't anyone see the craftsmanship that goes into quality villainy these days?" He snapped and a mirror popped out of nowhere. "After all, chicks dig a sexy bad boy." He gave his best "tall, dark, and handsome" grin.

As he was admiring himself, a particularly loud bit of music blasted at him from his periscope. He threw the mirror back up and changed gears again. "And I NEED my beauty sleep." He smoothed his hair. "Bah!" He tossed his blanky behind him and did an about-face, only to trip on the blanky. He squealed like a girl and hit the ground. Jumping up, he brushed himself off dramatically. "Ha, I meant to do that!" He tugged his vest down and went towards the back of his lair.

"If only I could think of a way to get Sportanerd and that brat to lose all that energy, I could get some shut-eye!" As he was walking, he passed his chemistry set and a nasty little thought nudged the rotten lobe in his brain. "Ah! Yes, that's it! I need sleep, so I will make them both fall asleep, too. Forever!" (insert maniacal laughter here)

When Stephanie walked into the kitchen later, she found Sportacus flipping their dinner about with two pans. "Oh, hello, Stephanie," he said as he concentrated on aiming the food at their plates. Using the pans as paddles, he served up the whole of dinner onto their two plates without ever leaving the stove. Stephanie clapped with joy and hurried to her seat.

"Gee, Sportacus, this looks great!" As he sat down across from her, she sniffed her plate a bit in curiosity. "What is it?"

"It's fish," replied Sportacus, pulling out a seat of his own, "Very healthy. And that is asparagus. It is loaded with vitamin A which is great for vision."

"Oh," blushed the smitten girl, looking him over, "I don't need help with my vision." She batted her eyelashes and he coughed nervously, immersing himself in his meal.

It was strange for Stephanie to watch the superhero eat. Even sitting down for a meal he couldn't stop fidgeting. He kept twitching this way and that, his feet constantly dancing about beneath the table. It was all she could do to keep from laughing.

When they had eaten and cleaned up, Stephanie decided to help Sportacus get rid of some of his energy. "Let's play a game, Sportacus!"

Sportacus looked at his watch. Not quite 8:08 yet. "All right, Stephanie, what shall we play?"

Stephanie pretended to consider for a minute before revealing her idea. "How about Twister? I love that game."

In the corner of Sportacus's left eye was a very visible twitch. "I don't know Stephanie, what else could we play?" He started at her hurt expression. "I mean, what are some other options. So I can choose."

Stephanie sighed and then really did take a moment to think. "Well, we could play cards or 'Caesar and Cleopatra' or 'wild animals' or build a fort…"

"We'll build a fort," interrupted Sportacus, betting on it being the safest option, "Why don't you gather some blankets and I'll grab some cushions?"

Stephanie gave him a big hug. "Okay!" Then she ran off down the hall to get some bedding. On her way down the hall she got a couple blankets from the hall closet. In her room, she grabbed the pink poufy comforter off her bed and then ran into her uncle's room to get his. She snatched a corner and yanked it after her, stopping when she heard a mysterious "plop!" Looking back, she noticed something had fallen on the floor from between her uncle's sheets.

She set down the bedding she was toting momentarily and approached the fallen object.

In the other room, Sportacus was obliviously arranging furniture and cushions so as to make a fort that they could both fit in. He heard Stephanie walk in, but had his back to her. "All right, Stephanie, I've set up the walls. Now our fort just needs a ceiling."

"Hey, Sportacus?" asked a quiet voice behind him. "What's this?" Just as he turned around to see what "this" was, she held up the object from her uncle's room. It was a black book with a long title. Midway through the title the word "sex" was emblazoned in red across it.

"WHOA! What?" Sportacus recoiled, jumping about a foot, "Where did you get that?"

"It fell out of my uncle's bed when I was getting his comforter," shrugged Stephanie. "What is it?"

"Ah, well, you see…" squeaked the above average hero, his voice breaking, "When a man and a woman – actually, when a girl gets to a certain age she – I can't really…I'm a man, I shouldn't be the one to…"

Stephanie nodded in understanding. "Oh, I see. This is one of those 'ask an older woman' things, right?" Sportacus nodded weakly. "Okay, then I'll call Bessie."

Any alarm bells that had remained inactive after the last surprise were kicked into full gear. "NO! No, you cannot call Bessie because…because she and the mayor had a long day. They are trying to get their sleep."

Stephanie had never seen Sportacus sweat so much. "So, then, you're the only other adult I know really well, Sportacus."

Sportacus looked trapped. Sure, he's known the girl for years but come ON. This was really not his department. He was a superhero not a…well, whatever. He looked into her eyes and saw perfect love and perfect trust and felt his resolve wilt. "Stephanie, you are a very mature girl. Maybe you will understand. You see, when – when two (or maybe more) people get bored with; oh I can't do this!"

He threw himself down on the couch and sobbed into his hands. "I am not cut out for this! I am only an above average hero. Why does your uncle even have a book about unusual sex?"

Stephanie ignored his tirade. She was able to read between the lines of what he was saying. "So, this means that there's more to it than just what Bessie told me a couple summers ago." She shrugged. "That makes sense." She hopped over and gave Sportacus a kiss on the head. "I'll just go put this back. You can finish setting up the fort." Then she pranced off with the book.

Sportacus stayed still for what felt like hours, but was really only a minute. Then he got up, did some one-handed push-ups to make himself calm down, and began spreading the blankets over the makeshift fort.

Meanwhile, unbeknownst to the chipper girl and the stressed-out hero, Robbie Rotten was busy being up to no good. Deep within his lair he was watching as the last bit of sand fell out of the chemistry set beaker and into his little pouch. "All I have to do is hit Sportagoob with this fairy dust and he'll be drifting away to dreamland." He chuckled at his own cleverness and tied up the pouch. "Now, it is," he paused and jumped/stumbled over the railing to the tubes, "Disguise Time."

He stepped up to the first disguise – a Darth Vader knock-off. "Too spacy." The next was a yellow gangster outfit. "Too Tracy". The last was Tim Curry's costume from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show". "Too racy." The very last costume was a sleeping cap, a Rip Van Winkle beard, and an ankle-length striped nightshirt with a giant hourglass as a necklace and bunny slippers. "Ah, perfect." He messed with the controls on the machine and was magically dressed in the costume.

"Now, for Sportacus." He picked up his bag of dust and fiddled with the end of his beard. "Enter Sandman," he said slyly, chuckling to himself. Unfortunately, when he played with the beard like that, it tickled his nose. "Ah-CHOO!" So, he fell over from the force of the sneeze. "I need a hanky."

AN: I actually don't like asparagus. I just thought it would sound fun when Sportacus said it (AH-spar-ah-gOOs). And the book, for anyone wondering, is my roommate's favorite coffee table book "The Encyclopedia of Unusual Sex Practices." Anyone playing along last week would know one of the books in the last chapter was real, too. That one was the "Pop-up Kama Sutra". I saw it in front at a Barnes & Noble one time. The tabs were worn out. Oo


	3. Chapter 3

AN: This will be the last time this is updated this quickly for a little while. Knowing me, I'll be making notes about it in my downtime, but I have an apartment to move into, classes to start, and work to do. I'll try to get chapter 4 up sometime next week. As for this chapter…well…er…I think I got a bit carried away. As some insight into the inspiration, this chapter was originally supposed to be about Sportacus telling Stephanie a bedtime story. A BIT different, eh? Well, you'll see.

Disclaimer: Yeah, you know the drill. Magnus owns LazyTown and all its properties, etc etc. I own all of this bizarre story and its bad jokes, etc etc. Don't be rippin' off none of our stuff, yo. Or I'll sic Robbie's robo-pup on YOUR stuff. Yo.

Spring Cleaning: Part Five (Three, Sir, Three!)

By Chiba Apey

Suddenly, Stephanie yawned and her eyelids drooped. She swayed and then began to fall. Sportacus quickly moved to catch her, getting an arm behind her back just in time. He listened, but she was still breathing. "Oh no. Something's wrong with Stepha-yaaaaaaaaaaawwwn."

The superhero stumbled, his own eyes closing of their own accord. In the window, Robbie was snickering and clutching his bag. "Yes! Now Sportadork and the pink-haired girl will stay asleep and I can once again make LazyTown the laziest town ever!" He laughed so hard that he inhaled some of the dust himself. He let out an explosive sneeze which knocked him to the ground. The moment he hit, he immediately started snoring.

Inside, Sportacus could fight the dust no longer. He fell onto the fort, taking Stephanie and a pile of bedding with him. He fell into a heavy slumber, racing his way into a bizarre dreamland.

------Ripple Dissolve into DreamLand------

Sportacus looked around. It was the strangest feeling standing in that forest. It looked like his old home in the North Sea, but at the same time it felt different. He went to do a flip and found himself inhibited. Looking down, he saw that he was wearing what looked like old Viking armor; a hefty breastplate with a tunic and hose underneath colored to match his costume. He still wore his blue armbands, now a part of the armor themselves. Beside him lay a shield with the "s" logo from his belt and a helmet and sword. The wind blew through his hair for the first time in about 11 years and caused a shiver to go down his spine. "What is going on?"

There was a noise behind him and he turned around to see Ziggy running up to him in tunic and hose, huffing and puffing the whole way. "Gasp! Wheeze!"

"Ziggy! Ziggy, calm down," said Sportacus, grabbing the lad by the shoulders, "What is it? What is happening?"

Ziggy looked perplexed. "My name is Siggi, not Ziggy." He pouted. "Íþróttaálfurinn, don't you remember? I'm trying to tell you to hurry forth. The warrior maiden lies in a ring of fire just west of here. You have to hurry and awaken her from eternal slumber!"

"What warrior maiden? What are you talking about?"

Ziggy, or _Siggi_, rolled his eyes impatiently. "The Solla, the valkyrie of the pink hair and great voice. She has been wrongfully imprisoned and must be rescued. You're the dragon slayer, the greatest hero in the land. You've gotta save her!"

Sportacus froze at the word "valkyrie". This all sounded oddly familiar. "This Solla, she is in trouble?"

"She's imprisoned in a ring of fire, isn't she?" snapped Siggi, "Aren't you gonna save her?"

He was stuck for it. "I suppose, if she is in trouble then, yes. I must save her." He looked down and thumped his breastplate. "First, I think I must lose some weight." He unbuckled the breastplate and pulled it off. Then he stretched, flexing his muscles a bit. "Much better. All right, Siggi, lead the way."

Robbie didn't know what had happened. One minute, he was wallowing in his own glee and the next he was standing in the middle of a forest wearing a tunic and hose (both oddly colored to match his regular clothes). Now he was in the middle of an argument with a dwarf over a ring of all things. "I wasn't trying to steal your ring. It probably has girl cooties!"

"BAH!" snarled the dwarf, "Loki, do not think that you can fool me! The very gods do scorn you for your dastardly ways. I know ye were after the ring and that's why I cursed it. Now its ill will shall bear with you as long as you carry that accursed ring!"

Robbie was getting a mite bit upset. He got about a millimeter away from the dwarf's bulbous nose and narrowed his eyes. "Now listen here you…you SHORT PERSON. I never cared about your stupid ring! I was merely trying to make that hero and the bratty girl lose all their energy and –"

"The great hero? You were working your evil mischief against Íþróttaálfurinn?"

Sighing, Robbie held out his arms and rolled his eyes. "Hellooo – villain."

The dwarf raised his axe, ready to swing. Robbie looked at it and squealed like a little girl and flinging himself backwards. "Aye, you ready to defend yourself, villain, before the might of my axe?"

Robbie smiled sheepishly. "You know, I just remembered that I have somewhere else to be right now. Good-bye!" He turned tail and fled screaming, his tunic flapping in the breeze.

He got a fair distance away until he was pretty sure that the dwarf had not followed him. Clutching his heart, he gasped for breath. "Oh, my heart. I cannot keep up this running! All this exercise is not good for me." He fished around in his pocket and plucked out a tiny little ring, crudely made and yet beautiful all the same. "It's so pretty." He smiled, "Too bad that nasty little man cursed it."

There was a voice getting closer and he flattened himself against a tree in an attempt to disappear. "Íslands þúsund ár Íslands þúsund ár," it sang. Wait, that voice was familiar!

From around the tree, Robbie spied none other than Sportacus, walking along in his Viking gear and singing at the top of his lungs. "sem þroskast á guðsríkis braut." He seemed oddly comfortable with his position and completely oblivious to the change of scenery. Then Robbie got a deliciously rotten idea.

Readjusting his tunic and checking to make sure his hose were straight; Robbie put on his helmet and strolled up to Sportacus. "LO! Greetings, my warrior friend!"

Sportacus immediately stopped and turned to view the intruder. "Hello," he greeted carefully, "Can I help you?"

"Why no, my friend, but was wondering if I could help you," he sounded a little more like a salesman than a Viking, but ah well, "You seem to be off on a quest of some kind, am I right?"

Sportacus was a little confused. "Well, yes, but how did you know that?"

"I took one look at you and I said 'there goes a questing man'," smiled Robbie, putting his arm around Sportacus's shoulders, "So, what kind of quest are we on, O warrior?"

"There is a girl trapped in a ring of fire and I must go rescue her."

"Yes, yes, sounds simple enough," nodded Robbie.

"But, she is trapped in eternal sleep. How do you wake someone from eternal sleep?" Sportacus shook his head sadly, "I am afraid that I will not be able to save her."

Robbie patted him sympathetically and reached into his pocket. "I see your problem, friend, and I think I can help you." He whipped out the ring and held it in the shorter man's face. "This here is a magic ring. Forged in the fires of Nidavellir and gifted to me by Alberich himself."

The above average hero raised an eyebrow. "Um, all right. What does it do?"

Robbie gasped as though in shock. "What does it do?" He shook his head and held the ring on high. "Why, it holds some of the most powerful magic in these parts. It will awaken your sleeping beauty merely by being in your possession." He flipped the ring like a coin and Sportacus caught it. "Now, I really must be going," he elbowed Sportacus on the side, "Good luck with the little wench." He winked, and then scooted back off into the trees, stumbling once or twice on the way.

When he reached a fair distance, he turned to spy with a malicious grin. "Did he fall for it?"

Sportacus seemed to be considering something for a moment before shrugging and pocketing the ring.

"Ha! Sap," snickered Robbie, "Now any bad luck will be transferred to him and I am free of the curse!"

"YOU! Loki, mischief maker! Denizen of Helheim! I shall smite you down to the depths where you belong!"

Robbie shrieked and turned. "The dwarf!" He turned to run and smacked into the tree.

Sometime later, Sportacus found himself facing a rather large wall of fire. Big, tall, burninatin' the woodland creatures, keeping people out of the circle; oh yeah, it was a wall of fire all right. Regardless of this obvious conclusion, Sportacus still extended a hand in its direction. "That's hot," he said, retracting his hand just before the flames burned his little fingers off. "I cannot even see if there_ is_ a maiden on the other side."

Examining the area for a moment, he came to a decision. "I guess there is no help for it." He strode away from the wall a ways. Then he turned, ran, and did a flying flippy leap-thing over the wall. Little bits of flame leaped up to lick his boots and when he landed he was slightly singed. But alive!

Before him stood a large rock. It wasn't very magical or majestic; just a little mossy and lichen-y. But it was what was on the rock that counted. Lying there, with her silver breastplate glowing in the moonlight and her long, pink braids spilling over her bosom, was Solla. The dress she was wearing was sleeveless and would've left anyone else shivering in this cold wood, but she seemed completely at peace. Her breath sent little puffs of fog into the air and her light pink dress fluttered just barely about her legs. Sportacus thought she was mighty purty.

He grasped the ring and edged towards her, wondering how long it would take to wake her. As he grew nearer, her features became more defined and something was nagging at the back of his mind. Yet he continued, for he was a hero and it was his job to save people. Besides, when was the last time he got to save an actual damsel in distress?

Closer, closer. Her head was turned away from him and yet he was so close. He reached out and brushed a braid aside, leaning over to get a better look. Then something occurred to him. 'Oh no! I'm stuck in the Saga of the Volsungs! If I'm Siegfried, then that means Brunhilde is –"

She opened her eyes and squealed with glee. "Sportacus!" Stephanie reached up and grabbed her savior's head, dragging him down into a rather forceful kiss.

Sportacus thought his eyes were going to bulge out of his skull. "MmfStmphnee!" He pulled away from her, desperately trying to avoid her lustful advances. "Stephanie, wake up! We're stuck in a dream!"

They both blinked and found themselves entwined on the floor of the mayor's living room. "A dream?" Stephanie's spirit began to deflate, "Then you're not my knight in blue hose?"

Sportacus shook his head. "I am afraid not. Something happened that made us fall asleep like that."

Stephanie immediately switched from sad to 'wrath of goddess'. "Robbie Rotten! I'll bet he's behind this!" She leapt up and began to look around.

"Stephanie, it's not right to –" Sportacus paused. "Do you hear that?"

They both walked over to the window and looked out. There, in the middle of the flower bed, curled in a ball and sucking on his thumb, lie Robbie Rotten. "Whatever he did, he did it to himself, too," Sportacus shook his head, "We'll wake him in the morning."

"Oh, but the begonias," whined Stephanie.

"He cannot hurt them any more than he already has," said Sportacus with a slight smile, "Come on, let's repair the fort."

AN: So, that's my wacky foray into discombobulated Norse Mythology. For more information, consult your local library. (thumbs up) On a totally unrelated note, please continue with the reviews and comments and stuff. They are what keep me going, like brains to a zombie. Mmmm…brains.


	4. Chapter 4

AN: I lied. I had this out faster than I thought I would. Tee hee. When inspiration hits, you wake your ass up and write down notes before you forget! So, this is the conclusion and let none of you say I did nothing for you before classes started. ;) Anyway, this last chapter is dedicated to every last one of you that reviewed because you kick ass for taking the time to do that!

Disclaimer: Bah, you know it. So show it. I don't own Sportabutt and I never will (cruel world). Neither do I own the adorably addictive pink substance that follows him around singing and dancing.

Spring Cleaning Part Quatre (oh la la!)

By Chiba Apey

As a new day dawned over LazyTown, the townsfolk woke to greet it. Pixel's computer roused out of sleep mode to wake him with cheerful alarm bursts. Stingy shook his piggy awake, too. Ziggy raced to the kitchen for a big breakfast. Trixie shot her slingshot at the clock and reluctantly roused from her slumber. Robbie…well, Robbie wasn't about to get up anytime soon.

Robbie: Snore! (rolls over onto some begonias) Stupid dwarf.

At the mayor's house, someone else was waking with the morning light as well. It was the first time in a while that Sportacus had awakened in a place that was not his airship without his alarm clock. Instead of lying in is comfy yet conservative bed, Sportacus was lying in a bundle of awkward bedding with a heavy weight on top of him. "S'it morning?" he muttered, opening his eyes. Shifting, he bumped his elbow into the couch leg and shook Stephanie – who was sprawled on top of him – awake. "No, I don't wanna leave, Uncle. I'll miss Sportacus too much." She snuggled further into him.

Looking around, Sportacus realized the position they were in. "Stephanie. It is time to wake up." He gently lifted her, trying to shift her body off of his own.

She looked up groggily. For a moment, she didn't react, and then her eyes lit up like the northern lights and she tackled him in a bear hug. "Oh, Sportacus! You're still here! I had the strangest dream. You were a Viking and I was a sleeping warrior maiden and you kissed me! Did you really kiss me 'cause in my dream you did."

Sportacus choked a bit in her hold. "Yes, I was there. It was not a dream. We were both somehow trapped in a dream world."

"I wish I was in the dream world," muttered Stephanie. She looked at Sportacus's lips slyly, an idea forming.

Before she could enact her fantasy, however, Sportacus got up and peeled her off. "I think we should be getting breakfast."

Stephanie nodded dejectedly. "Yeah, I guess you're right. Race you to the kitchen!" She set off like a shot, followed closely by Sportacus (he slowed down for the sake of playfulness). When she reached the kitchen, she tagged the fridge. "Ha! I got here first!"

Sportacus struck a pose and grinned. "Yes, you did," he let his arms slacken, "Let's see what there is to eat."

A little while later and the two of them were sitting at the kitchen table munching on Cheerios, orange juice, and (of course) sports candy. "Hey Sportacus, check this out." Stephanie tilted her head back and flipped up a Cheerio, catching it in her mouth.

"Very good," said Sportacus, "But watch this." He peeled a banana and flipped it into the air, slicing it with a knife and then diving onto his back to catch it in his mouth.

Stephanie cheered and clapped as he chewed and jumped back up. "Wow Sportacus, that was great!" He bowed and then sat back down. Stephanie returned to eating her cereal, chewing each mouthful thoughtfully. "Sportacus, have you ever heard of fetishes?"

(HYURK) Sportacus choked on his spoon and snorted a Cheerio up his nose. He thumped his chest and coughed, then placed a finger to the side of his nose and blew out the Cheerio.

"Ewww! Sportacus, that was gross!" Stephanie leaned back in her chair, clutching the table and kicking her legs in disgust.

"Sorry, Stephanie, you just surprised me," replied Sportacus meekly, wrapping the booger-Cheerio in his napkin. "Where did you learn a word like that, anyway?"

Stephanie put on her best 'I'm so cute face'. "Oh, I read it in the book I found in my uncle's room."

Sportacus: (pitches a spaz)

"Stephanie! You are much too young to be reading those kinds of books!"

Stephanie "humphed" and crossed her arms. "YOU said that I might be mature enough to understand."

"That is not what I meant!"

"Well, it's what you said." Stephanie remained huffy. "I just wanted to know what 'Íslandophilia' is anyway."

"Okay, breakfast is over," Sportacus hopped up and began bussing the dishes. "You had better get ready and put on some fresh clothes."

"What about you?" Stephanie pointed at him, "Don't you need to take a shower?"

"Well, I was thinking about you…" Sportacus began.

"Wait, do you even take that suit off? Or is it like a second skin?" Stephanie got up and began picking at the fabric around Sportacus's middle. "I'll bet a superhero like you doesn't even need to shower. You're not really human, are you?"

Sportacus swatted her hands away. "I need to shower," he said, "I am a person just like you. I am merely and above average hero."

"Uh huh," nodded Stephanie, "So go take a shower." She tried to push him toward the bathroom, but the guy didn't budge! She finally resorted to poking him with her spoon until she got a reaction every now and then mumbling "you stink" or "take a shower."

"All right, all right!" he threw up his hands. "I will go take a shower, but then it is your turn. Finish with the dishes and find some clean clothes."

"Okay!" she cheered, "You can pass me your clothes from the bathroom and I can run them through the quick cycle in the washer and dryer!"

Sportacus eyed her warily. "Okay," he nodded, "Away I go." Then he did that superhero arm thing and jumped off.

While he was in the shower, Stephanie took the time to examine his clothes. The boots seemed to be suede or something and went up his calf pretty high. The arm bands seemed to be purely cosmetic, but the crystal was fun to play with. 'Hmm,' she thought, 'He didn't have to run off and save anyone all day yesterday.' Then she reached the underwear. Ol' Sporty's undies were a pair of Underoo-style briefs with little blue "10"s all over them. "Aww, how cute!" she squealed. Then she noticed that inside the waistband a name was written in Sharpie. "Alex" it read. She began to dance around with glee at this new discovery, chanting "His name is Alex! His name is Alex!"

That was how Sportacus found her when he stepped out of the shower. "I need to get dressed now, Stephanie, could you please put down my Sportabriefs?" He was blushing so much that his ears felt like they were on fire.

"Nope," giggled Stephanie, "This is too much fun! I know your name now – your secret identity!" She continued her little chanting dance.

"Please, Stephanie, I am serious." He shifted and clutched the edge of the towel.

Stephanie stopped and thought for a moment. "Hmmm…I think that you have to catch me first!" Then she broke into a run right out the door. Sportacus whined quietly and then adjusted the towel, grabbed his other clothes, and chased her into the living room.

As they were running through the house, Sportacus's above average ears picked up the sound of jingling keys. The door opened and in walked Mayor Milford Meanswell with a contented smile on his face. "Oh, I just had such a lovely brunch with Ms. Busybody. There was toast and jam and a little slice of cantaloupe on the side."

He looked up and saw the two of them, frozen in their chase. Stephanie was in mid-run, holding the underwear high above her head and a wearing look of pure innocence. Sportacus, on the other hand, was a foot behind her, desperately clutching his towel and looking very much like a naughty child. "Mayor!" he laughed nervously, "You're home!"

The mayor sputtered for a few minutes in outrage. "Sportacus! What is the meaning of this?"

Sportacus picked up his hat and goggles, tucking them on his head haphazardly as he tried to explain. "Well, you see mayor, I had just gotten out of the shower when Stephanie decided to be playful and snatch my Sportabriefs. Only, I need my Sportabriefs to wear under my Sportasuit so I don't…"

A few minutes later, Sportacus was standing outside in his hat, goggles, and the towel as the door slammed behind him. He groaned and covered his face with his hand. "I am never asking for help cleaning again." He made sure his towel was tight and then walked down the street in the direction of his airship.

Bessie Busybody was lounging outside with her hair in rollers and her face in mud. She took a sip of her iced tea and sighed with a contentment that she had not felt in years. Then she heard footsteps. Ever the busybody, she peeled one cucumber away from her eye and looked up. There was Sportacus, walking down the street in an oddly plain manner. Normally, that would've made her worry, but she was too busy admiring his current state of undress to notice. "Good morning, Sportacus!" she waved flirtatiously.

Sportacus stopped and turned. "Good morning, Bessie. Nice weather we are having."

"It looks divine," smiled Bessie. He continued to walk and she took the opportunity to admire his physique. "Like a Viking god."

When Sportacus finally stood beneath his airship, he looked up. "Ladder!" The ladder fell and he began to climb.

Earlier, a kindly squirrel had finally woken Robbie Rotten ("Ah! Wild beast!") and now he was trudging his own way back home. "How could Sportakook leave me in that dream world with the dwarf? He's supposed to save people! I'm people!" He kicked a nearby wall and then hopped around for a bit cradling his now injured toe. "Grrr, it is all his fault!" he groused, shaking his fist toward the sky. Unfortunately, at that moment he was standing just below the airship ladder as Sportacus was climbing back home. "AHH!

My eyes!"

AN: Didya like it? Huh? Huh? Review, please oh please, review. Oh, and read, too. Literacy, yay! Up with reading! Poor Robbie was almost in this story. Ah well. Maybe next time I'll write more about that billboard guy. Now I have to go, um, do some adult stuff in the real world like move and work and go to skool. Olde skool. But I won't disappear. I promise!

Remember: Support your local Icelandic-sport-elf-hero.


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